Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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