Got a toothbrush?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
