i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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