Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Houston, we have a blender
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
