Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
