I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
