I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
