you mean i was at the winter classic?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
