what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
