Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
