Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
