and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
