im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
