Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
