we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
