He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
