I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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