he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize