Who did Billy Mays play for?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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