this just has baby written all over it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
