Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
