Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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