i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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