She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
