Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
