Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
