I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
