evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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