I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize