My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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