I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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