Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize