There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
