Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
