matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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