So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
