need another drink. this is the easiest way
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
