I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize