I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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