We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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