His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize