Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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