this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
