mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
