Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize