If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Fuck appropriateness.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
