i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
