sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
