Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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