Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
