I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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