when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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