wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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