dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
