After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's always time for handjobs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
