if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is my gift to your gina
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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