I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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