I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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