I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
