I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
