Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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