I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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