Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
