Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
