Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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