I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
