i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
