Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
