I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
