I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
