Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
