At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
