i would punch a child for taco bell
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
