u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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