I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
