Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize