the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
